


gentle waters run deep

by Dragons4ever



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, Mention of Near Death Experiences, Post S6, Pre S7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-08-07 14:36:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16410314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragons4ever/pseuds/Dragons4ever
Summary: Keith is angry on Lance's behalf and both young men come to some startling realisations.///“Hey man,” Lance says in a hoarse voice. “This is a great dog you have here. 'm jealous. I only have a temperamental cow.”“Yeah,” Keith says, “Cosmo is a good dog.”“And such a pretty name for such a pretty girl,” Lance cooes, clearly trying to force himself to be cheerful. Keith can almost believe his smile is real if he can’t also see the tears brimming.“Lance,” Keith begins softly, desperately hoping this won’t spark an argument. “What's wrong?”Lance lets out a watery laugh. “I dunno Keith, you tell me. Take your pick.”





	gentle waters run deep

**Author's Note:**

> I originally started writing this as a vent piece for after S6, and then S7 happened and I realised I needed to add some things.  
> Also, this all counts as My Opinion On Certain Topics, so don't @ me ;P  
> As always, thanks to C and M for beta reading.

Keith is dragged to consciousness by the familiar crackling pop of Cosmo's teleporting. He pushes himself upright and looks for his space-dog, who was sleeping at his feet, last he saw. Now that space is empty. He looks around the massive Altean tent the team had decided to share rather than sleep apart in their own lions. The loss of the Castle is raw, even for Keith who hadn't even lived there for over two years in his time. After everything that’s happened, it's reassuring to be together.

Shiro sleeps next to him, damn near dead to the world, but within easy reaching distance. On Shiro’s other side sleeps Allura, hand outstretched towards Shiro's. Beside her sleeps Romelle, clearly keen to be near other Alteans again. On Keith's other side is his mother, curled up near him. Across from Allura sleeps Coran tucked into a tight ball. Across from Shiro is Pidge sprawled out across her mat, and across from Krolia is Hunk, snoring away. Across from Keith the blankets are empty, tossed aside as if hurriedly thrown off. When Keith presses a hand to the blankets he finds them cold.

Well, if Lance is awake, Keith can kill two birds with one stone: check in with Lance and find his wayward dog. Normally he'd just let Cosmo find her own way back, but on an alien planet she's never been on he'd rather keep her in his sights.

He pushes his blankets aside and quietly leaves the tent. And then he stops.

Lance is perched on one of the stones they'd moved around the fire pit they'd put together, hunched over and bundled up in his jacket. Cosmo rests her head on his thigh, ears relaxed as he gently and slowly strokes her head. Keith can't hear anything but he can see the shaking of Lance's shoulders from the light of the large moon that hangs overhead.

Slowly Keith makes his way over to the stones and sits himself down. One of Cosmo's ears twitches to let him know she's seen him but otherwise she doesn't move. She just sits and stares up at Lance with big eyes as he strokes her head.

When Lance sees Keith he takes a deep shuddering breath and hurriedly wipes his eyes with the cuffs of his sleeves.

“Hey man,” Lance says in a hoarse voice. “This is a great dog you have here. 'm jealous. I only have a temperamental cow.”

“Yeah,” Keith says, “Cosmo is a good dog.”

“And such a pretty name for such a pretty girl,” Lance cooes, clearly trying to force himself to be cheerful. Keith can almost believe his smile is real if he can’t also see the tears brimming.

“Lance,” Keith begins softly, desperately hoping this won’t spark an argument. “What's wrong?”

Lance lets out a watery laugh. “I dunno Keith, you tell me. Take your pick.”

Keith takes a deep breath but before he can say something, Lance speaks again.

“I mean, it's not just like we lost our home away from home, and the last thing Allura and Coran had of their home and planet. Or that we were all totally betrayed by someone we all should have known better than to trust after personally putting him in power, at the expense of our commitment to the coalition. I mean--” he laughs again, only this time bitterly “--what will our allies think of us now? We helped the enemy gain power, caused a galactic civil war and for what? To get our asses handed to us and basically hand the fractured empire over to fucking _Sendak_ of all goddamn people!” Lance rakes a hand through his hair and starts shaking. “And, best of _fucking all_ , the person leading Voltron, the person we were meant to trust was a plant by Haggar the whole time. So now, Haggar knows everything we do--all our allies are in danger, and we can't even get to them because the castle is gone, and all because _I_ \--” Lance cuts himself off as his voice breaks on the last word.

Keith stares at Lance in shock and rising horror.

Lance looks to be biting his lip, his whole body trembling as he grips his hair in a tight fist. His eyes scrunch shut and he starts to curl in on himself.

“Lance, there's no way you could have--”

“Don't you dare,” Lance snarls. “You--you weren't even _there_ , you can't--” he opens his eyes to glare at Keith. “You _left_ , you didn't see what it was like.”

“Lance--”

“I tried so hard to rationalise it! 'Shiro’s had a bad day, that's why he's yelling’, 'Shiro is being controlling because he's worried about things going wrong’, 'Shiro says he feels unlike himself because he's been traumatised’. And all this time--he tried to reach out to me in the mind meld and _I_ failed him.”

Lance breaks into an awful sob that pulls at Keith’s heart, dragging it and his stomach down to his boots.

“And the worst part, is that I'm so _angry_ ,” Lance chokes out. “I'm so, _so **angry** . _ At _everyone._ And I can't even let that out. I'm angry at Shiro because of--of the fucking clone, but I can't be angry because it's not his fault and it wasn't really him. I'm angry at Allura because she fell for Lotor hook, line, and sinker, but I can't be mad because she got her heart broken and I'd just be accused of being a poor loser. I'm angry at Coran for going along with this and not questioning it, but he's just lost the last piece of his home and it’s not fair to him to be mad, when we all did the same. I'm mad at Pidge and Hunk for being shitty to me about Allura and just getting super into the Galra stuff, but they're my friends and they've been too busy to be bothered by my stupid shit feelings, so no wonder they don't get it.” His chest starts to heave as he struggles to catch his breath. “I'm mad at _you_ for leaving, but you were trying to do what you thought was right, and I guess it's kinda my fault so I can't be angry at you. But most of all, I'm angry at _myself_ for not being good enough. I should--I don't know, I should have _done_ something instead of sit around and mope!” Lance buries his head his hands and begins to cry properly. “I'm really so _pathetic_.”

Keith can only sit there and gape in response to such an outpouring. Lance always seemed like such a boisterous person, it’s shocking to see him reduced to such angry, distressed, crying.

Finally, the only thing Keith can think to say in response is: “Why do you think me leaving was your fault?”

Lance huffs a broken laugh. “Because you started to pull away after we had the talk about me stepping down. And because I didn't try hard enough to convince you stay. You left because you didn't feel needed, and I didn't do enough to convince you otherwise.”

“I left because I didn't want to lead,” Keith replies. “I didn't feel ready for it, and with Shi--with who we _thought_ to be Shiro there, I thought it should be the most qualified person who should lead. But Shiro didn't want to try to bond with Black so I...forced the issue.” Keith looks away, ashamed of himself. Lance was right, he _thought_ he was doing the right thing, but he might have just about ended up damning the coalition instead.

Lance takes a shuddering breath. “Do...you feel more qualified now?” he asks. “Y’know, after two years to chill with your mom on a space whale.’

“I guess it doesn't really matter what I want,” Keith says. “Pretty sure we're stuck with this.”

Lance hums and then wipes his face again. “I can’t imagine Shiro wants to pilot a lion anytime soon.”

“Not particularly,” Keith says dryly.

Lance lets out a weak chuckle.

“And Lance…” Keith says after a pause. “You're allowed to feel. You have a right to feel, you shouldn't repress that.”

“Pot, meet kettle.”

“OK, fair,” Keith admits, “but that doesn't make it right.”

Lance hums again. “Y’know,” he begins slowly. “I was always desperate to match up to you. The whole rivalry--I just wanted to be as good as you, as _noticed_ , as you. A while back I thought maybe I was finally making some ground, but here we are.” He gestures to the space between them. “Now you've got a whole two years on me. You're way cooler than I could ever hope to be, maturer, stronger, more confident. Now I really don't know what I bring to the table with the whole team back together.”

There is...a _lot_ to unwrap in that.

“I don't know what you mean by that last bit,” Keith says finally, in a gentle voice.

Lance shrugs, and wipes his face again. Cosmo whines a little and rubs her head against Lance’s lap, tired of not being petted anymore. Lance strokes over her head again, running his fingers through her shaggy mane while keeping one hand clenched on top of his thigh.

“‘M not sure what I contribute to the team,” Lance says shakily. “Shiro is our fearless leader, a great pilot and fighter; you’re basically Shiro 2.0, maybe an even better fighter and pilot than he is. Allura is a princess with literal magical powers, who could kick all our asses without trying. Pidge and Hunk are both geniuses--Pidge with computers and Hunk with engineering. Coran knew everything there was to know about the Castle, and knew how to fix most things.”

He shrugs again and takes a deep breath. “And I’m just kinda...here..doing...stuff. I’m not the best pilot or fighter or leader or alchemist. I can barely understand what Pidge and Hunk say most of the time. ‘S like I said way before, we need the best soldiers on the front lines in war, and I really don’t think I cut it anymore, not now that you...and Shiro are back.”

Keith leans forward to try and catch Lance’s eye. Lance only briefly looks at him before fixing his eyes on Cosmo.

“Lance,” Keith says, desperate to reach out but unsure if it will be well received. He knows Lance is more of a touchy person, but given their history, he doesn’t want to risk upsetting Lance more. “You...why do you think you need to be the _best_ in order to contribute to the team?”

“Uh, because everyone else is the best at something?” Lance says as though it should be obvious. “Like, everyone is effortlessly good at what they do, but I need to try extra hard to be even _half_ as competent. I train every day, but I still wouldn’t be able to last five minutes against you. We need to be defenders of the universe--no point in having someone on the team who isn’t the best.”

“You don’t need to be the best to be valuable,” Keith insists, taking the plunge and reaching out to grab Lance’s hand, the one he has curled against his leg. Lance tenses under him, but Keith doesn’t let go. “And so what if we’re good at something--we’re only good at _one_ thing. You’re good at _so_ many things, Lance. A jack of all trades and master of none is better than a master of one.”

Lance scoffs, but Keith squeezes his hand and says, “It’s true! OK, so what if I can pilot and fight really well--you know me, you know I don’t do well with people. I would have botched so many things if you weren’t there to help me and try explain shit to me. So what if Allura can do magic, or Hunk and Pidge are geniuses? They all get too sucked into their work and would work themselves to their death if you weren’t there to remind them to take care of themselves. Coran--god I don’t even know what Coran says most of the time, but you two really seem to get along and I can tell that makes him happy.”

Keith shifts so he’s facing Lance and clasps Lance’s hand between both of his. “And Shiro? You and Shiro are so alike Lance. You both have shit senses of humour, you both know how to work with the people around you, and you know how to keep people cheerful. Yeah, Shiro is a better pilot and fighter, but he’s got _years_ of experience on you, on all of us.” Keith sighs and shakes his head. “You shouldn’t compare yourself to him. To any of us. Yeah, you aren’t us, but that’s _good_.

“And besides,” Keith snorts, “I don’t think I’m really _that_ mature. You saw me--still as stubborn as ever, going straight after Shiro and nearly forgetting you guys. A good leader doesn’t do that, doesn’t let their personal feelings get in the way of their team’s safety.”

Keith watches as Lance slowly turns his head and fixes Keith with one of the saddest smiles Keith thinks he’s ever seen.

“You really love him, huh,” Lance says, though his tone makes it a statement instead of a question.

Keith flushes a little. “Well, _yeah_. He practically raised me at one point. He’s like my big brother and dad rolled into one. He never gave up on me, so I promised to never give up on him.”

“Oh,” says Lance, like the air has rushed out of him. “I...I thought you two were more, like, a couple. Awkward.”

Keith makes a noise and a face, and Lance laughs embarrassedly. “Geez, no. I mean, he was the only person I cared about for a while, but never like _that_ . He’s _family_ , always has been. Time away with my mom gave me the space to realise how much he meant to me, and how much I regretted never outright telling him that.”

“I’m sure he knew,” Lance says quietly. “It’s Shiro. It’s obvious how much you cared for each other.”

Keith hums and it’s quiet for a moment. Then Keith says, starting to snicker, “I can’t believe you thought we were _dating_ , oh my god.”

Lance squeaks in outrage. “I was never sure OK! You two are really close, and never struck me as PDA people, so I figured if you were together, you’d keep behind doors to try and act professional or whatever! It’s not my fault you were basically making soft pining eyes at him all the time!”

Keith snorts, even as his heart contracts painfully. “Oh my god, _Lance_ . Lance, no, that’s--if I was making pining eyes, it was never at _Shiro_ . I literally gave him my dad’s old clothes when we found him--I have plenty of issues, but not _those_ kinds of issues.”

Lance groans and leans over to bury his face in Cosmo’s fur. Keith laughs a bit more at Lance’s expense, but finally relents, tugging him upright. Lance is pouting when his face is revealed, and Keith can’t help how his heart thumps a little harder at the sight. Yeah, he never made soft pining eyes at Shiro.

“All that aside--you don’t need to be like me, or Shiro, or anyone else, Lance. You only need to be you,” Keith says. “I’d much prefer having _Lance_ at my side, than another Shiro.”

Lance’s face shifts through a whole range of emotions--surprise, disbelief, awe, happiness, before settling on something that is painfully grateful. His lower lip trembles and he twists his hand between Keith’s to grab Keith’s fingers.

“Thanks man,” Lance says hoarsely. “That--that really means so much to me.”

Keith smiles and squeezes Lance’s hand. “Anytime.”

Lance flops to the side and presses his head to Keith’s shoulder. “I really missed you,” he says shakily into Keith’s shirt. “The others--they all had _someone_ , and I--I didn’t. I missed hanging out with you, and talking with you, and even bickering.” He laughs, a little wetly. “I was such a shit to you, before. I’m sorry.”

Keith hums and pulls one of his hands away from Lance’s so he can rub Lance’s back. He only resists stroking through the hairs at the nape of Lance’s neck for about three seconds before giving in.

“I missed you too,” he says gently, “even the bickering too. And I forgive you, for all that before. I did a long time ago, Lance. Yeah, sometimes you got a little mean, but so was I, so I’m sorry too. It was kinda fun in the end, knowing that you were always willing to compete with me, even on stupid stuff.”

Lance sniffles. “Yeah?”

Keith hums again and lets his head lean against Lance’s. “Yeah. The Blades don’t do anything like that, if there’s any competition it’s serious and never fun.”

Lance pulls back a little so he can meet Keith’s gaze. “That sucks, those guys really don’t know how to have fun, do they?”

Keith smirks lightly. “They take the whole “if we’re found out, we’ll be killed” thing very seriously.”

“Well, yeah, _duh_ , but all that stress isn’t good for anyone,” Lance says. “I bet most of them keep their faces hidden because the stress causes awful break-outs and they don’t want anyone else to see it.”

Keith barks out a low laugh and Lance starts to smile in response. Keith can’t take it anymore.

“C’mere, dork,” Keith says, and tugs Lance back in closer.

Lance sort of falls against Keith’s chest awkwardly.

“Uh, buddy, what are we doing?” Lance asks.

“We’re hugging, isn’t that a thing you do sometimes?” Keith teases as he throws both arms around Lance’s shoulders. “I practiced a lot with my mom during our two year time trip.”

Lance is awkward for a single tick longer before he melts into Keith’s embrace. He tucks his head into Keith’s neck and loops his arms around Keith’s waist, holding on tight.

“Thanks,” Lance mumbles into Keith’s shirt.

“Don’t need to thank me,” Keith murmurs.

After a long old while just holding each other, they are interrupted by Cosmo trying to wriggle in between them, whining quietly about being left out.

“Oh, I’m sorry baby girl,” Lance cooes, seeming a lot better now that he’s let a lot of things that were probably weighing him down out. Lance cups Cosmo’s jaw and starts ruffling her neck fur. “You just wanted to get in on those quality Keith Cuddles, don’t you? Well, you had him for two years, you gotta share now.”

Keith watches with fond amusement as Lance continues to baby talk to his cosmic space dog. He can see in Lance’s eyes as they glance frequently at him, that Lance doesn’t quite believe everything Keith has just told him. Keith resolves to speak to the others about reinforcing everything he just said, to remind Lance just how necessary he is, not just as a paladin, but as a _person_.

Starting now.

“I’ve never had a dog before,” he says, “I spent two years trying to teach her how to fetch and she just stares at me judgingly. Can you help me?”

Lance gives him a look to say, ‘ _I know what you’re trying to do here_ ’ but then Cosmo licks his face and he laughs bashfully and cooes a little at her. “Oh my god, _yes_. By the time we get back to earth, she’ll be so well trained we can enter her into dog shows and win thousands together.”

Keith smiles and props his chin up in one hand, watching as Lance starts talking about training his first dog as a kid. His gesticulations are a little tentative at first, but gaining confidence as he speaks.

“My favourite trick was always paw, because who _doesn’t_ like getting highfives from dogs? Fools, that’s who,” Lance says. “We’ll just need lots of treats, and plenty of space for her to run around when we land on planets, and--”

Keith lets him prattle on, Lance’s voice soothing tension Keith hadn’t quite realised was there until it was gone.

Eventually Lance yawns, which sets Keith off, and Lance flushes a little.

“Guess we should head back to bed,” he says.

“Yeah, but we’ll pick up this discussion tomorrow,” Keith says easily as he gets to his feet.

Lance smiles and Keith follows him back into the tent. Keith waits until Lance has settled into his blankets and Cosmo has curled up--this time by Lance--to close his eyes and drift back to sleep.

* * *

 

The next day, Keith waits until after everyone has been assigned tasks and is suitably distracted to approach Hunk and Pidge, who were jointly tasked with Coran to assess and repair the lions after their battle with Lotor.

He feels awkward and wrong footed just walking up to them, but remembering the expression on Lance's face the previous night steels him.

He goes to Coran first and says lowly, “I'd like a moment to talk to Hunk and Pidge, privately please.” When Coran squints a little suspiciously, he continues, “It's about a...personal matter.”

Coran’s eyes flick tellingly over towards the direction Lance and Romelle took to scout out some nearby caves.

“I believe this is a long time coming. I'm sorry I couldn't do it myself,” Coran murmurs, and then excuses himself to “look at some schematics he managed to save”.

Keith takes a deep breath and then marches over to the two so-called geniuses. And Keith would suppose they had earned that title by being two of the most intelligent people he's ever met, but they seem have completely missed something that was right under their noses, and Keith has a few choice things to say.

Hunk notices his approach first, and waves a hand in cheery greeting. “Hey, Keith, what's up?”

Pidge looks up as well at that. “Oh hey Keith, need us for anything?”

“Yes actually,” Keith says, keeping his voice even, but the only thing that stops him from crossing his arms is putting his hands on his hips. “I'd like you two to tell me more about what happened while I was away.”

Hunk raises an eyebrow and Pidge adjusts her glasses as they appraise him and then share a look.

“We already told you all about Lotor, I don't think there's much more to say,” Pidge says slowly, glancing again at Hunk.

“Yeah,” Hunk says with a shrug. “What else do you need to know about?”

Keith takes a deep breath through his nose and counts to five. “Maybe I just want to know how my friends got on while I was away. Maybe I want to make sure nobody got _left out_.” He looks pointedly at Hunk, hoping that as the one who was closest to Lance at the beginning, he would understand what Keith meant.

“Well, we were all pretty busy all the time, so we couldn't hang out like we used to. Shiro and Allura were always stressed which is normal, and Hunk and I were always working on new projects. I guess Lance moped a lot because Allura paid more attention to Lotor than to him, but Lance has always been a dramatic, whiny baby, so nothing new there,” Pidge says offhandedly and crosses her arms while rolling her eyes. “He tried hanging around us for a bit but he was too annoying to deal with and eventually got the hint.”

Hunk starts smiling in amusement at Pidge's words until he sees Keith's thunderous expression, and immediately looks taken aback.

“So, you mean to say that when one of your friends was upset that the person he liked didn't like him back, instead of comforting him, y’know, _like a friend_ , you told him to _go away_?!” Keith grits out between clenched teeth. His grip on his own hips is almost painful but it is that or clench his hands in fists at people who are meant to be his friends, and Keith knew he didn't want to be like that.

Pidge looks as taken aback as Hunk at Keith's outburst.

“Well, I mean--” Pidge tries to say but Keith interrupts her.

“I'm sure it was very annoying to be pestered for comfort, I'm sure you were so extremely busy that you couldn't even spend a few minutes just to check that your friend was doing OK and wasn't suffering under the idea that he was expendable to the team or anything. God forbid you be taken away from your work for a second to act like a friend.”

“Hey now,” Hunk says soothingly as Pidge looks shell shocked. “That’s a little unfair. Lance would have said something if he was really bothered. Maybe some of our teasing went a bit far, but Lance would have told us if it was too far.”

Keith is practically vibrating. “Oh, _really_? You think so? Has Lance been telling you much these days?”

_That_ makes Hunk pause. “I…”

“That's what I thought,” Keith hisses. “I _thought_ you were all friends, please correct me if that's not actually the case, or start acting like it.”

They both have the grace to look shame faced.

“I suppose it makes sense now why he'd throw himself in front of Allura to take that energy discharge,” Pidge says quietly.

“What energy discharge?” Keith asks.

“A few weeks back we were fixing this omega shield around a Galra mining colony, and some energy was discharged as we were working. Lance used the Red Lion to push the Blue Lion out of the way, and took the full brunt of it,” Hunk explains. “Lance didn't want to talk much about it afterwards, and when Allura forced him into a pod to check him out he was fine, but apparently Allura had to use some Altean magic alchemy to save his life.”

Keith's heart stops in his chest.

“You mean...Lance almost _died_?! Why didn't anyone tell me?!” Keith exclaims.

Pidge looks down with a burning face. “Guess we didn't think it was important enough, all things considered,” she says softly. “You know how Lance is, he gets into scrapes all the time. We just all kind of moved on, there were other things to worry about.”

“Maybe it was kind of cold to act like that,” Hunk admits, “but I thought if Lance was OK to move on, why bring it up?”

“Maybe because we need to _talk_ about near death experiences before they become traumas,” Keith snaps, channeling his mother, but also knowing he is kind of a hypocrite. “And if you were constantly telling Lance to go away, do you think he would tell you if things were bothering him?”

Finally Hunk's expression shatters. “Oh god,” Hunk breathes. “Pidge, we fucked up. _I_ fucked up.”

“Yes, and now you have a chance to fix it,” Keith says. “So, _fix it_.”

Hunk nods emphatically. “We will.”

Keith nods in return. “Good.” Then he turns on his heel to walk away. Before he can get far, Pidge calls out.

“Wait, Keith, how did you know? Did Red tell that Lance was upset?”

Keith barely stops himself from glaring over his shoulder at his fellow paladins. “I didn't need somebody else to tell me my friend was upset.”

Then he stalks off before he can lose his temper.

* * *

After taking some time to cool down by moving some supplies around their camp (while wishing he had Cosmo to pet, but she had gone with Lance and Romelle) Keith begins to think about going over to Allura. Thankfully his mother is understanding when Keith merely says he has “some personal things to catch up on” and continues on without him, though she does give him a pointed look as he turns away.

Allura is in conversation with Shiro, looking over reports and scans from Shiro's pod to determine if the clone’s body is accepting his...spirit? Consciousness? Keith actually doesn't know what it was that had happened, only that now he has his brother back properly. Everything else was just details. They both look up as he approaches but Shiro seems to be the only one to recognise the expression on Keith's face because Shiro is the one that frowns while Allura smiles welcomingly.

“Good morning, Keith, would you like to look over the scans too?” she asks kindly.

Keith is almost distracted, because yes he would like to know how Shiro is doing, but instead shakes his head. “No, that's OK. Um, Allura can I speak to you for a bit?”

Allura glances at Shiro but Shiro is just looking at Keith with a look of dawning comprehension.

“I'll go see how Krolia is--” Shiro starts to say as he stands from the box he was sitting on but when both Allura and Keith give him a look, he hastily amends, “I mean, how _Coran_ is doing. No manual work for me.”

Allura nods approvingly as Shiro walks away. “We'll give you another scan after dinner.”

Shiro puts his hand on Keith's shoulder as he passes, and smiles encouragingly.

Once Shiro is out of hearing distance, Keith takes his seat and looks at Allura dead on. They both take a moment to appraise each other.

“Tell me about what happened at the omega shield,” Keith finally says.

Allura jerks in surprise. “The omega-- _oh.”_ Allura swallows and looks away. “Yes, I imagine you would want to hear about that.”

“Tell me what happened,” Keith says.

Allura nods and takes a deep breath. She looks down at her hands clasped in her lap. “We were called to repair a shield around a mining colony at Lotor’s request. The shield was needed to protect the colony from lethal solar flares, so naturally we were willing to help. Hunk, Lance, and I worked together to push the plates back into place while Pidge and Shiro worked together to regain power. It seemed to be working, but just as we seemed to be finishing, something happened to Shiro to cause the power to short out. The plates started to spark and a bolt of electricity was released.” Allura takes a rattling breath. “It was headed straight for me, but Lance pushed Blue and I out of the way, taking the brunt of it himself. I went over to the Red Lion to see if he...Well, I was able to revive him using some of the things I had learned in Oriande.”

Keith trembles. “How close was it?”

“...Close,” Allura whispers. “My powers can't bring people back from the dead, but they can keep people from going over the edge. That's all I can really explain about it, most of it is intuitive.”

Keith takes a deep breath and tries to stop his heart from tumbling around too much in his chest. “Did you ever talk about it?”

Allura looks guilty. “No, when we got back Lance was scanned and seemed to be perfectly healthy, if a little bruised, though no more than usual. Then I got swept up in Lotor's plans for his inter-dimensional ship and I...I believed if Lance wanted to speak about it, he would come to me.”

“You thought that after brushing off his near death experience to run off with Lotor that he'd come to you if it bothered him?” Keith asks coldly.

Allura flushes in embarrassment. “When you say it like that it sounds rather callous, but that was never my intention. I wasn't the only one Lance could talk to, so I thought it would be fine.”

“And yet nobody checked in to see if he was actually OK,” Keith mutters. “With everyone brushing him off, no wonder he's felt so alone.”

“I hadn't realised it was that bad,” Allura says quietly. “I knew Pidge was often short with him, and that Shiro--well, the _other_ Shiro was often very hard on him, but Lance has always been so upbeat, it can hard to see when things really affect him.”

Keith barely bites back a scoff but can't stop himself from saying, “I don't think it's that difficult if you care enough to look.”

Allura flinches. “I _do_ care, it's just...I feel rather awkward around him now.”

Keith stares at Allura with what he hopes is a stony expression that doesn't betray the worry underneath. “How so?” he asks, but also thinks he knows the answer.

Allura looks up at Keith with a mournful expression. “I...I know how he feels for me. He told the mice, and,” she laughs weakly, “you know how they are at keeping secrets.” She looks back at her hands. “With everything that has happened with Lotor, I must admit I'm in a bit of turmoil. Lance is one of my dearest friends, and I don't want to hurt him, but I know that I can't...can't be _that_ for him.”

Keith is guilty about how relieved he is, but a bigger issue sits on his chest. “Then just tell him that,” Keith says quietly. “Trust me, it's much kinder to have it out there than to leave both of you in limbo.”

Allura nods. “I'm glad you're back now. Lance seemed a little lost without you.”

Keith's heart flutters but he stomps it down because something still remains to be said. “I shouldn't be the only one Lance can hang out with. We're _all_ meant to be friends here. I like spending time with Lance, but at the moment it seems like I'm the only willing to talk to him now.”

Allura’s shoulders hunch up around her chin and she looks miserable. Keith is viciously pleased that the team seems to finally be understanding, even as he feels bad that they are upset. He ignores both feelings and continues on. “I've already spoken to Hunk and Pidge, so it's probably be best if you speak to him tomorrow and not tonight. But if what you said is true, about him being a dear friend, then please treat him like one. After everything he's done for all of us, we owe him at least that much.”

Allura nods. “I will. I've been... _distracted_ lately, and ignored everyone, ignored all the warning signs that things were wrong, but no more. Thank you for reminding me of this, Keith. I really am glad Lance has you to look out for him.”

Keith says dryly, “Imagine if we _all_ looked out for him, then we wouldn't need this conversation.”

Allura smiles a little slyly. “But I just said I can't care for him like that.”

Keith face flushes hotly. “I--you--we’re _friends_.”

Allura barely hides a smile and Keith hurriedly gets to his feet.

“Just-just talk to him,” Keith says before walking away too quickly to hear if Allura says anything else.

* * *

On the first evening, after Hunk and Pidge had dragged Lance to the side to talk, Lance gives Keith a pointed look, almost like a glare but not quite. A look that says “ _I know what you’re doing, and I’m not happy about it, but I won’t yell at you **yet** _ ”.

Keith takes it as a win, and restrains himself to a small smile while Lance isn’t looking. However, he can’t help feeling a little bad for Lance, who is clearly surprised by the sudden attention.

During the second day, Allura very unsubtly makes sure she works with Lance. Lance gives Keith an almost pleading look, but under Allura’s insistence, everyone lets her have her way. Later that afternoon, they both return, subdued and slightly awkward with each other. Lance doesn’t spare Keith a look before disappearing into the Red Lion.

He doesn’t come out until dinner is served, and then doesn’t say very much at all. He very pointedly sits away from Keith. Everyone else shares uneasy looks, and while Keith is glad everyone seems to finally be paying attention, an awful feeling squirms in his stomach; like guilt and regret and fear.

Everyone starts taking their leave to go to sleep, until just Keith and Lance are left. His mother gives his shoulder a squeeze as she passes, and he gives her a reassuring smile as he pats her hand.

And then they’re alone again. They sit in silence for a while, fire smoldering.

Finally, the silence gets to Keith, and he says, “Lance?”

Lance makes a noise of acknowledgement but doesn’t look up from the embers.

Keith wants to bridge this new gap between them, but doesn’t want to have to chase Lance. That feels like that would only make this awkwardness between them worse.

“Are..are you doing OK?” Keith asks.

Lance lets out an all-encompassing sigh. Then he gets to his feet. Keith’s stomach drops out as he thinks Lance will just walk away and ignore him, that everything he thought was building up was ruined by his interference-- _damnit_ , he should have waited, figured out a better way of dealing with this instead of charging straight in and disregarding Lance’s feelings--

Keith’s panicked thoughts are derailed when, instead of going bed, Lance approaches the stone Keith is sitting on, and plops down beside him.

Keith blinks at Lance for a bit, before saying again, “Lance?”

Lance sighs again and says, “I can’t believe you yelled at them about it.”

Thoroughly thrown off, Keith can only reply, “Well, why _wouldn’t_ I?”

Lance looks at Keith incredulously. “Because it isn’t that big of a deal? You didn’t need to go round telling everyone how sad I’ve been.” Before Keith can open his mouth to apologise, Lance continues, “I mean, I appreciate it? It’s nice to hear that my friends care about me. But it’s just...I don’t know. You just didn’t _have_ to go through all that effort.”

“But I did _because_ you were so upset,” Keith says. “Your feelings matter Lance. They’re our-- _your_ friends. They should tell you they care about you, but also _act_ like it to, and they needed to know that they hadn’t been doing that lately.”

Lance looks at Keith and immediately corrects, “They’re _your_ friends too. We all are.”

Keith smiles sadly. “Why are you so quick to come to my defence, but not your own?”

That genuinely startles Lance, who stares at Keith with wide eyes. “Well, I-uh-I mean--”

Keith doesn’t say anything, just lets Lance stammer for a bit before Lance exhales forcefully and puts his head in his hands.

Once Lance seems to have calmed down, Keith says, “But really, are you OK?”

Lance reveals his face again and shrugs. “I mean, I guess?” He starts rubbing at the scuff marks on the gauntlet of his armour. “Allura spent pretty much all day letting me down easy, so it could have been worse.”

Keith doesn’t say anything, but he makes a noise of sympathy.

After some quiet, Lance continues, “I kinda already figured she wouldn’t be into me--after Lotor and all. And not just because he fucked with her feelings but because...she saw what kind of partner she deserved: someone who could keep up with her abilities and share her interests. I know you said I don’t have to be the best to be valuable, but...I don’t know, I guess I’d like to know I could be my partner’s equal. With Allura, despite her making me want to be better, I think I’d always be afraid that I’d never match up to whatever it is she needs.”

Lance’s voice gets softer as he speaks and Keith can practically hear his own heart crack as Lance finishes with, “And I think I’d always be second-guessing if I was just the consolation prize if she ever did reciprocate. Whether she’d look at me, and just wish for Lotor.”

They sit in silence as Keith tries to find the words to speak, something that would make Lance feel better, if not about the situation, then at least about himself.

Lance shrugs again and rubs his hands together. “Sorry, kinda a downer, huh?”

“Don’t apologise,” Keith answers immediately. “You have a right to feel sad, it...the whole thing sucks.”

“Yeah, for everyone,” Lance says, and Keith huffs.

“But also for _you_. I’m sorry I wasn’t here to...I don’t know, help you with any of it,” Keith says.

Lance stretches his arms out in front of him and rolls his shoulder, not quite in a shrug. “You were off doing cool Blade things and running missions, so don’t be sorry. It was more than we were doing in the end anyway.”

It hurts Keith in a way he can’t quite put into words, hearing Lance speak so bitterly. Lance was always the more optimistic one, willing to give people a chance. Now he’s been reduced to this cynical person Keith is beginning to be afraid he doesn’t know anymore.

“Still,” Keith mumbles. Then he clenches his hands on his knees and straightens his back. “You deserve someone who treats you like an equal no matter what. Someone who chooses _you_ first,” he says firmly, looking at Lance who glances up at him in surprise. “You are an incredible person Lance. You are smart, adaptable, actually charming when you don’t try too hard, and a wickedly good shot. You don’t need to measure up to anyone else to be good enough, anyone who is worth anything will be able to see it.”

Lance blinks in shock, mouth open slightly, before his lips start to curl up in a small, shy smile.

“Are you president of the Lance fanclub now?” he asks in a fondly teasing voice. “You’re giving me an awful lot of compliments.”

Keith ignores his burning face to stare intently at Lance. “I’m serious,” he says, and the smile drops a little on Lance’s face. “Don’t put yourself down, because you don’t need to fit into some sort of pre-existing mould to suite what others want. I told you before, all you need to be is _Lance_. That’s who we want--not another Shiro, not another me, and certainly not another Lotor.”

“I think you might be only one who wants the full Lance,” Lance breathes.

“Yeah, well, that’s nothing new,” Keith says without thinking, and then instantly wants to bite his own tongue off.

Lance’s eyebrows shoot into his hairline and Keith can feel his own face heating up.

“OK, good talk, I’m going to sleep,” Keith blurts and gets to his feet, intending to run away.

Before he can go anywhere however, a hand wraps itself around his wrist. When he looks back at Lance, Lance isn’t looking at him, and in the dim light, Keith can see his cheeks are flushed.

“Hang on a sec,” Lance says softly. “You...you don’t…”

Lance trails off, and his hand slips from Keith’s wrist to holding Keith’s hand. Lance’s fingers curl around Keith’s, and Keith’s hand flexes almost involuntarily, giving them a squeeze.

Lance seems to have run out of words, and Keith has no idea what to say. So he stands in awful silence, as Lance holds his hand, looking faintly like his whole world has turned sideways. _Keith’s_ world feels like it’s turned sideways and wrongways and inside out. He’s hanging over a precipice and he doesn’t know which way he’s going to fall.

When he can’t take it anymore, Keith wets his lips and says hoarsely, “You don’t need to say anything. Everything’s been...a lot. For everyone. For both of _us_. I’d like to think...that we’re friends. That doesn’t have to change.”

Lance’s hold on Keith’s hand tightens, and then he finally looks back up at Keith with eyes that reflect the newly waning moon’s light.

“I don’t know what I want anymore,” Lance says. “I was so sure it was...but you leaving hurt so bad Keith. _So_ bad.”

“I’m sorry--” Keith tries but Lance plows on.

“And I thought maybe I was just lonely? But now…” Lance’s eyes trail from Keith’s face down his arm to where their hands are clasped. “I always noticed you in the Garrison, it almost felt impossible _not_ to. I _thought_ it was jealousy but...Then you left, and then you were back, and then you _left again_ and...I don’t know. But I don’t want to let go. Not this time.”

With nothing else he can think to say Keith murmurs. “I missed you too.”

Lance nods tentatively, then more resolutely. His hand tightens further around Keith’s and he looks back into Keith’s eyes.

“I don’t know how I’m feeling right now--and I think we both need time to readjust. Would you wait, for an answer?” Lance asks.

Keith’s heart spikes with painful hope. He can’t bare to raise his expectations, but they seem to be going that way regardless of what he actually wants, so he nods. He gives Lance’s hand another squeeze.

“Yes, I’ll wait,” Keith says.

“Promise you won’t leave?”

That brings Keith up short a little. All his life it has felt like people were always leaving him--his mother, his father, Shiro, his lions. But now, he is struck with the opposite, someone asking _him_ to stay.

Lance’s expression is pleading, and god help him, he can’t deny that.

“I’ll stay,” Keith says. “I promise.”

Lance’s shoulders sag, and Keith is surprised that Lance had been so worried--but then from Lance’s point of view, he’s always been the one to leave, hasn’t he?

Before he can dwell on that however, Lance is getting to his feet, and pulls Keith closer with their still clasped hands. Any exclamation is stopped in Keith’s throat when Lance throws his arm around Keith’s shoulders and pulls him into a hug.

For a moment, Keith is frozen, before he melts completely. His arm wraps around Lance’s waist and he clutches at the back of Lance’s armour. His eyes slide shut as Lance’s arm tightens around him.

They say nothing, only stand there holding each other. The burn in his chest feels like hope, and Keith wants to protect it, wants to protect _Lance_. Two years, and still this dumbass has a hard grip on Keith’s heart. His eyes burn but he refuses to cry until he has an actual reason to.

Eventually they pull away from each other, pretty much at the same time, though neither lets go of the other’s hand.

“You gonna yell at Shiro and Coran for me too?” Lance asks with a wobbly smile.

Keith snorts inelegantly. “No, but you should probably talk to them too. Coran will probably come to you first, but I really think you should talk to Shiro too.”

Lance’s expression is pained and Keith squeezes his hand.

“Shiro won’t blame you, not for any of it,” Keith insists. “He’ll probably try to apologise for everything.”

Lance snorts as well. “We’re all such a bunch of sacrificial idiots.”

Keith huffs a little laugh though his nose and doesn’t dispute it.

Lance takes a deep breath and tips his head up to sky as he exhales forcefully. “OK, I’ll give it a shot, if you think it will help.”

“I know it will,” Keith says softly.

The night is quiet and peaceful, and Keith appreciates it until a crackling pop has them both startling.

Cosmo appears in front of them, looking at them inquisitively.

“I think that’s our cue to get to bed,” Lance sighs and drops his free hand on Cosmo’s head to ruffle her fur.

“Yeah, probably,” Keith says.

They walk back to the tent, Cosmo following, and only let go of each other’s hands as they enter. Everyone else is already sprawled out asleep, or at least pretending to be. They get ready for bed and slip under their blankets. Cosmo settles at Keith’s feet and Keith stares at the ceiling until a tug on his pillow has him looking to Lance.

Lance has laid his hand out in the space between their mats, palm upwards but also studiously not looking towards Keith. Keith can’t fight his smile as he slowly puts his hand on top of Lance’s, and their fingers curl together.

Keith falls asleep as Lance stroke his thumb over the back of his hand.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment or a kudos if you liked it.  
> Find me on tumblr [d4s-scribbles](http://d4s-scribbles.tumblr.com)


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